Ohhh, no Toe...Leggo My Ego!

A week ago, while on a beach walk, in an attempt to gracefully leap away from a soft rolling wave, I smacked the second toe of my left foot on a rock. My toe bled immediately and the pain was significant. I continued walking because my car was a lengthy distance away, so I had to continue moving either way. Grateful for the company of my beautiful friend, as I ambled along, I pondered aloud some introspections that arose due to the injury. All the while, the cold water alleviated the ache. Every so often I’d glance down at my toe to see the waves gently wash the blood away. Mother Earth softly soothed my feet.

When I returned home, as I made my way to the bathroom, blood dripped and pooled onto my flip flop. It was quite a dramatic sight. Upon examination, I saw the jagged laceration ran parallel to the cuticle. Though I had not broken the bone or injured any other toes, it was incredibly humbling. After I thoroughly washed and bandaged my toe, I contacted my clients to cancel my private sessions. That is when my Ego started tripping. 

For the rest of the day, my Ego wailed like a coyote off in the hills. “This is sooooo stupid! This is, like, the smallest part of the body! C’mon!” Fear of loosing my livelihood flared like fireworks popping off in the dark night of the soul. Guilt, a sense of failure and many questions ricochetted through my mind. “Does this mean something? Was this an unconscious act of self-sabotage? What exactly is my fear?…” all boomeranged in my noggin. I tried to catch when my Ego blared so as to shift my awareness down into my heart; it was a constant teeter-totter.

I awoke in the middle of the night well aware of my toe. After tossing and turning a bit, I calmed my mind with a few deep breaths, and a rested a hand on my heart. Then, I finally asked the question, “Did this happen for a reason?”

Spirit: “Yes.”

Me: “So…there is a purpose in this?”

Spirit: “Absolutely. For now, rest and the answer will be revealed in the morning.”

Hearing that encouraged me to surrender my fear and as much of my Ego, as I could, to Spirit. It was like luring a feral cat, cleverly shrouding it in a warm blanket, then slowly and gently handing it to animal control. Except, it was about releasing control. Letting go, as much as I could, allowed me to fall into a restful sleep. I felt held in love, by something greater than myself.

The next morning, after a very mindful stretching practice I sat in meditation. This is what Spirit said.

You are too comfortable, too identified in your physical offerings. This injury is an invitation for you to move even deeper into the energy (of channeling and healing). Though the practice of yoga has been an incredible gate way for you, from the physical into the metaphysical, you still strongly identify with the body in such a way that it is limiting your access of the energy. The limiting belief that your physical offerings are the way to create financial prosperity is untrue. We invite you to move away from the comfort of these limiting beliefs and embrace the truth of your whole self. You are meant to be a gateway to help many heal. If you keep leaning on the physical identification of yourself as a healer, you will always limit your true, full potential and ability to do the work you genuinely feel called to do. It’s time to let go of the familiar and embrace your full potential. The shift has already begun and the pieces will fall into place. We will shape the how for you.

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As I compose this particular entry, it has been just a few days over a week since my toe injury. It’s amazing to think that my toe was and is an invitation to go deeper and expand my trust further. Every time I look at the little guy, I marvel at how tiny it all is relative to the powerful purpose it has served. Our body is a universe unto itself and we each, as people are a part of Life’s Universe.

During a recent yoga practice, I had a surreal moment. I was in a revolved forward fold and felt my distinct physical presence on the floor and an energetic, magnetic grounding of my energy. I was fully aware of myself on the Earth. At the same time, I heard Spirit say:

Remember the body is an avatar and everything about it is temporary. Even your thoughts and emotions are continually transitory. Supporting your presence through conscious connection to yourself in this physical representation is necessary, but it is even more essential to remember the deepest, most innate Self of who you fully and truly are. Cosmic consciousness, connection, compassion. Go there, be there, love there.

It sounds counterintuitive and feels ironic: we are temporary and every experience and emotion is also temporary, but yet we feel so much.

The human experience is beautiful, profound and certainly presents its challenges. Heart ache, heart break, domination, devastation, destruction, despair and yet we can also experience hope, joy, bliss, compassion, understanding, love, learning, growth, and evolution. We must treat our physical body with respect for it is our connection to and in the world, but we must also remember the whole truth of our Being is more than body and mind; it is heart, soul and spirit. When we are disconnected from our Inner Truth, the physical world will work in conjunction with the metaphysical and do its best to guide one back to their inner sense of alignment. 

While it may be a big stretch for some to understand or even accept that a toe injury could have great significance, I believe it was a small wake up call. And, I certainly don’t want or need a bigger one! I trust in the abstract, in the unseen of life. The unseen is where all the power really is: one’s intuition, intention, inner voice, inner Knowing. I believe that we are all being invited to move into that space of living. To be clear, I am not declaring that my experience is a mandate for everyone else - no, I am simply inviting everyone to see the signs and signals as they appear for them. Beyond adhering to the signs, please remember to practice self love and self compassion, for they are the first steps inward and the big ones we all need to move forward. 

How Do I Age With Grace?

When I was twenty five years old I discovered my first white hair. I plucked it out, looked at it, decided it was the end of the world, and went back to bed. Later, I of course posted about it on Facebook and received various commiserating comments. I realized I was not alone in feeling sad about aging. My reaction was dramatic because many of my elders colored their hair, especially the women. My response imitated what I saw modeled by the elders around me; shame. There was and still is such a stigma of embarrassment around fading hair color and almost anything aging-related. A truth many people are unaware of is that when one ages, their entire complexion - skin, eyes and hair - all transition in harmony. Unfortunately, many do not allow themselves the opportunity to see this because they feel so pressed upon to hit the pause button. 

Everywhere we turn, we are inundated with messages on how not to appreciate our natural selves. It is burned into our self perceptions that we must always “better ourselves” and to remain young looking is the key to happiness, being loved and accepted. In a documentary a fashion expert said (something along the lines of), “Fashion has never been designed to meet the needs of the consumer…it is geared to make you want to be the person in the commercial images…to make you feel inadequate otherwise.” Marketing tactics are geared to make many fear aging. Trends are determined by fashion and cosmetic industries, not us.

Whatever symbolism of youth one chooses to hold onto is unique to them. I do not mind my increasing number of gray hairs, but it took me awhile to accept when it was time to permanently remove my navel ring. In 2021, my doctor and surgeon required my navel piercing be removed before the procedure. It was the first time it had been taken out in nearly thirty years. To me, my navel looked naked without it. After my abdomen mended, I had the piercing reinserted to commemorate my healing. And….quite honestly, my Ego needed it. That belly ring was a bookmark and symbolism of my self agency. 

Over the decades, the piercing’s setting progressively moved closer to the epidermis until there was nothing between my skin and the ring. The time had come; it was time to remove the piercing permanently. I knew the day would come eventually, but I had to sit with it for a while. I removed my belly button ring for the last time in May 2022. I anticipated being emotional, but instead I found myself in awe. The removal process was quick and easy: the ring slid out in one smooth move. As I gazed upon the jewelry in my hand, I marveled at how something so tiny once held such a sense of empowerment. Rather than grief, I instead felt love and admiration of my younger-self for having done what she wanted to do; it was her body, her will.

That said, every time I look upon my belly now it looks naked. I am still becoming familiar without it being dressed. In truth, everything about my stomach is different; I have a C-section scar, my waist size is different, the consistency of the skin is softer - everything is different. I choose to hold my tummy with humility, rather than remorse, for it is mine and it is now just adorned…differently.

Upon entering my 40’s, I stopped being apologetic and began releasing the idea of perfection and instead began to embrace self acceptance. I’ve done away with intense exercises to force-fix and mold my body because it is unkind and they just don’t feel good. At one point in time, high intensity work outs and hill sprints that put me on the brink of nausea served their purpose - or so I believed. Every so often I see images of myself throughout the decades 20’s, 30’s, early 40’s and as I look at myself I think, “Why did I think I was so (insert negative description here)? It was an old story that played itself on a loop.

Mindfulness: The self approach today requires being present to my thoughts so I can catch the self-shaming before it begins. That means not just the inner dialogue, but also the judgmental comments that could fly out of my mouth about someone else. For those we judge exemplify how we judge ourselves. What ever negative rhetoric we say, our subconscious hears it and it reinforces our negative self perception. On and on the wheel spins - if you allow it.

My reflection: Here is an example I’m sure many can relate to. Recently my eyes locked onto the reflection of my body and my gaze instantly went to where it is trained to go for an “evaluation” - to my bum. I realized, even before the criticism began it made me feel sad. I took a breath, moved my gaze to another part of my body and chose to appreciate it. I did not deny my initial feeling and then cultivated positive ones in its place. I walked away from the mirror carrying that with me and not shame.

Stop comparisons: Every comparison you make is an opinion against yourself. Comparisons reinforce the stories, that deepen the shadow beliefs, that taint how you see yourself. Life is not a competition, nor should you be at war within yourself. Comparisons take energy that could otherwise be invested into creating new ways of thinking and being that are healthy.

Recognize opportunities for self love vs humiliation: My hubby and I will soon travel to Costa Rica to relax in a cozy cabin by the beach. A younger me would be a harsh critic and view my body as far from perfect. A list of all my flaws would be compiled to catapult myself into a regime of “bettering myself.” I’m not buying into that today. I’m not dieting or even stepping on a scale. Today, I consciously chose to honor and celebrate my body just as it is.

Cultivate well-being a feeling good about myself: I walk daily and practice yoga four to five days a week. The type of yoga varies day to day based on how I feel and what my body needs. Some days I simply lay on the ground and breathe. I approach my practice as a meditation. I tune into the way muscles feels, the rhythm of my breath, to simply recognizing the here and now. I share this not to suggest you should do the same, but to encourage you to do what feels good to you. Our body provides guidance, we just have to be wiling to listen. 

I have learned the relationship I cultivate with myself can be beautiful and love filled. I do my best to fully see myself with love and compassion. I choose to accept what is naturally changing now and what will change over time. As the color and texture of my hair changes so are the color of my irises; the edges have begun to fade from amber-brown into a navy blue. My skin is softer and lines in my face are starting to appear. I love them all.

What I have begun to scrutinize is my clothing: if it doesn’t make me feel good about myself out it goes. I no longer wear form-fitting T-shirts, cropped tanks, low-waisted pants - this way I don’t ever have to worry about my tummy puffing out. Guess who is going to enjoy her meal without worrying about bloating? This girl! The length of my shorts are now 5” versus 3” so I’m never wondering, “Are my butt cheeks hanging out? Do they look good?” Nope, none of that. I’m now interested in clothing that makes me feel good versus clothing that I hope makes me look good. Cute, cozy and comfy is my new fashion motto.

I believe the key to eternal youth is loving thyself, being honest and kind to yourself. We have got to love ourself forward. The love will not suddenly bloom once you reach your idealized body goal; it has to be cultivated along the way. Self acceptance needs to be nurtured. 

If you don’t know “how to” approach yourself with love because it was not been modeled by your elders, turn to your friends and elders you do admire and ask. One of the best ways to break down taboos is to talk about them. I am so grateful to know many beautiful women that are older than I am. I witness them, look to them and learn from them. During the pandemic I saw many elder women allowing their natural grey-silver hair to grow out and they look stunning. The color of their eyes have become brighter because their entire complexion is as it is meant to be; naturally harmonized. It could be such a different world if people, especially women, all learned to turn inward instead of outward for validation.

I acknowledge I am not yet an elder and am merely in my mid-40’s, but I do hope that in sharing my truth it will inspire others to live more authentically and lovingly, with themselves. The entire make up of us - the Me. Myself. I - deserve to feel loved and accepted just as they are. We all do.

I haven’t decided what to do with my navel ring yet. Wear it as a pendant or toe ring perhaps? Or maybe just keep it in my jewelry box? But, I have decided that self love is a practice I can never do away with. 

Miraculous Healing

A miracle is defined as an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.

Here is one story about a miraculous healing.

A short time before my surgery (“Saying Goodbye”) my dog Oreo and I were walking in Elings Park. Not long into our stroll I began to feel a sharp pain in my lower right abdomen. As I kept walking the ache sharpened. The source could have been attributed to my right ovary in ovulation or a muscle spasm. Being atop the nature preserve, far from our car, I had no choice but to keep walking. As I moved along, slow and steady, the intensity of the discomfort increased with each step.

We came to the top west lookout and stopped. While Oreo sniffed about I took deep breaths to ease the ache and gazed upon a cascade of yellow flowers that bristled upon tall mustard greens stalks to distract myself. Bright and bobbing in the gentle breeze, I took my nose to the little petals and let them brush my nose. I closed my eyes and began to feel a luxurious heat radiate from the grove of flowers. I stood still, focused on my breath, and allowed the soothing warmth to flood my entire sense of being. The energy of the heat filled my entire body; it felt like I was facing into the sun.

When I opened my eyes, the discomfort that had been steadily growing was suddenly gone. I took a step back and thought,”That’s weird.” I figured that as soon as I resumed walking surely the pain would return. It never did.

Oreo and I frequented Elings Park most mornings that year. It was a wonderful way to get our first walk of the day in, surrounded by beautiful vistas of Santa Barbara. Each spring the vibrant wildflowers that speckled the trails inspired me to smile and say, “Hello!”to their bright little faces. Similar to greeting someone with a handshake, I always felt inspired (and still do) to sweep my palm near the delicate flora. Each time, I sensed a subtle vibration in the palm of my hand. I believe every plant and flower has a source of life, just like every tree does. Similar to feeling a human pulse, even the smallest vegetation exudes a vibration. 

Energy is universal, transcendent and follows intention. It is what powers prayers, fuels faith and is what one feels when they experience Love. That unconditional sense of love is healing energy. It is unseen and therefore mysterious, but has undeniable essence. Healing energy can be experienced in a something seemingly simple like a hug or can be unexplainable like a spiritual experience. One of the most beautiful and stunning “things” about healing energy is that it is infinite. There is never a maximum amount available to anyone, anything, anywhere in the world. It just is.

I believe that every time I said “hello” to the wildflowers, we shared in healing energy together. As I stood before the grove of yellow flowers that particular day I was in pain, the healing energy was generously shared with me because it sensed what was needed in my body. The giving was unconditional and I will be ever grateful.

Healing practices were discounted for centuries. Many people were lured to distrust what could not be rationalized and seen, and over time, logic discredited intuition and that deep felt sense. Only in recent decades has it become much more openly discussed, experienced and taught. Is it magical? Is it a miracle? Whatever one wants to call it, it generally cannot be logically explained but felt. 

I believe every single person has the ability to connect to the universal healing energy. We all are a part of the energy, just in being alive. There is a life force that powers the entire world. We humans need to remember that we are born out of this Earth too, not just “born upon it.”

If your next question is “how” to connect to the healing energy, you first need to step out of the conditioned mindset that everything needs to make rational sense. Then, go partake in something that is a bit outside of your comfort zone physically. Why? Because when your body experiences new ways of moving, it stimulates your brain to cultivate new pathways. This will enable you to get out of your head and support the intention to reconnect you to your body and personal Sense of Self. For example, perhaps it is an improvisation class for someone trained in martial arts, or an art class for someone’s job that involves a lot data input. Approach it like you’ve invited yourself to a new hiking trail; explore and experience yourself in a new setting. Lastly, as you take in this new experience try to really be present, moment to moment, and you will likely began to feel Love or gratitude; both are gateways into the healing energy that is within and available to us all.

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If you’re at all curious about what healing energy can feel like, I am now offering Reiki Boosters. They are a wonderful way to experience for yourself what a hands on healing modality can offer. And, they’re packed with a lot of love. :) Click Here

Lay It All Down

The first day I was able to successfully get myself to the ground after my hysterectomy was so amazing to me, I cried.

Most of us get to know our bodies from the sense of the ground when we learn to crawl and walk. Many of us have forgotten what it was like as an infant to lay on the ground, be and breath and what the journey was like when we explored movement. As we bobbed and weaved about, the Earth’s definition showed us and told us where we were. Fast forward to ourselves today, in a culture consumed with striving forward and conquering the space around us, we tend to be unaware of the Earth’s sensation under of our feet. 

As we bound and stride about as adults, many of us fail to recognize the sacredness that is the Earth, a recognition that was inherent within all of us. The modern day human has created so many structures that separate us from the feeling of the earth we forget we share molecules with the Earth, that we are made to breathe with the Earth.

Years ago, as I was just scratching the surface of learning about Eastern Medicine, I read about an Ayurvedic practice that recommended people go outside, at least once a day, and stand on grass with bare feet. It suggested “Let your feet sink in, curl your toes and palpate the soles of your feet upon the turf.” I was perplexed, “What? Why?” It was hard to believe this was a recommended health practice! It seemed so silly, because it was so…simple. It’s the simplicity that now makes sense; many people are disconnected from the practice of rooting. 

Rooting can be defined as a “condition of being settled and of belonging; to become firmly established or settled; a primary source; an origin.” Some people call this conscious practice Earthing: grounding your energy. In the hustle and bustle of every day, it is important for us to ground our awareness. I now value the practice of rooting invaluable and essential for my vitality.

My dog Oreo models rooting beautifully. She loves to lay in dirt and turn her black coat to brown. That’s right, just dirt. There could be green grass all around her and she’ll opt for the barren land and lay there for hours. I believe she knows she’s absorbing ions and healing minerals from the ground. She radiates joy every time with an enormous smile. She then comes in the house and shakes herself off, dusting dirt into the rug or couch, but I know she’s happy.

I believe our sense of contact to the floor is one of the elements that makes the practice of yoga so healing. The body movements originate on the ground to prepare practitioners for seated meditation, and eventually, laying down for the final resting pose: Corpse Pose (Savasana). A yoga practice can take you through various stages of physical awareness: standing, sitting and laying down. When we lay down, we are back to where we began. Those ancient Yogis were on to something. Even if a practitioner needs to hold their practice on a chair, they can still benefit from experiencing their connection to the ground.

The intention of the final resting pose (Corpse Pose) is to release awareness of our physical body and journey inward. Continually practicing cultivating our inner-awareness can prepare us for our final phase of life: death. Just like the name of the pose suggests, the body lays still, at ease, with the breath so soft that to an observer it can appear as though the yogi is asleep or even dead-like. As I yoga teacher, I have had the privilege of observing many practitioners move into that internal sacred space and see a sense of peace sweep across their faces. We all have the ability to “go there”.

The firm floor beneath one’s body can cultivate a sense of equilibrium energetically and emotionally because it calms the nervous system. As one lays on the ground, the body naturally absorbs the Earth’s ions and the innate awareness of our form on the ground can help us feel more connected in the present. This sense of calm presence can be healing, especially when someone is processing exhaustion, grief or even trauma.

While some people consider it a sign of weakness to come to the ground, kneel or lay down, I believe it is indicative of one’s courage; it takes a brave heart to surrender.  When we give ourself the space to let go, is when we create the capacity to cultivate compassion. Without compassion, individuals cannot continue to go on as they are. Compassion, self love, can renew, recalibrate and rejuvenate us. The act of letting go enables our energy to flow freely and our mind to unwind.

I invite you to return to your roots and lay it all down.

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Thank you for reading this! One of my specialties and passions is providing Adaptive Yoga; a personalized practice, cultivated from the heart, to meet you where you are. Please contact me directly with any questions you may have about beginning an Adaptive Yoga practice.

Medicine Walks

I love taking myself to my favorite local beach for a walk. I just walk and walk. My feet absorb the sand and cold ocean water while the rest of me simply moves about. There is no intention to go a certain distance or duration; just….to walk. I get to be with myself.

I have come to call these beach walks my medicine walks. These simple steps in the sand are healing for me. This a time in which I allow myself to be just as I am in the present. I allow myself to meander about without a particular direction or be called to something out of sheer curiosity. My body is given the freedom to find itself and experience its surroundings, while my self awareness is invited to expand and embrace all of me.

I walk until I feel called to turn around. Sometimes I see friends and neighbors and share a few friendly chats and meet new dogs. Most times, I get to be alone, really alone, and those durations are so sacred. On a recent walk, perched upon a large, smooth rock, I sat and gazed out into the vast distance at the Channel Islands. In recollection, it seemed I was not looking at anything in particular. I invited myself to be and stay in each present moment and that left me with out a particular external experience to describe, because the depth of my internal experience was so rich.

Bringing attention to the Self is being with one’s deeper being and when one is truly in the Now, there are now words for it. Richard Ross, MD and author of “The Mandala of Being” says that when “we exercise the power of our awareness without any certainty about the outcome…we let ourselves be led deeper into life by bring present with what is, rather than by trying to control and direct ourselves and our lives.”

A deep sense of knowingness and love washed over me like a soft wave as I sat there. I remembered how important it was to lend nurturing and healing to my body, mind and soul, always. Not just when I was in need; but always. The pause in my walk, to just sit and be, was a crucial element. It is in moments of “simple existence” when we can hear ourselves - our inner most selves, speak. Those moments are sacred because our essential self is wise, compassionate and loving.

The importance of all this tends to get lost in all of our doing. Our society does not invite us to pause and be still. It can feel like we need to fight for it, ironically. Sometimes, we do need to carve out the time and space for ourself; Conscious being and connecting in stillness, silence and softness - they are essential for us. Soul medicine can be different for everyone. Whether yours is singing, sitting in quiet, or dancing like no one is watching, what ever your need is, is fundamental for your vitality, sanity and full sense of Being You.

Even I need the reminder to Pause, Breathe, Be. Perhaps we can help one another remember? Rather than ask a friend what they’re going to do next, or if they’ve finally figured out what the “perfect” solution is, perhaps our role - our responsibility as a loved one - is to ask, “When was the last time you took a time out to be with Yourself?”

Talk To the Trees!

All over the world, trees are revered by many. They are considered to be the Earth’s giants and in some cultures, ancient spirits or mystic entities. Whether you practice putting up a Christmas Tree each holiday season, climbed, crawled or swayed on a swing attached to one, you too have had your own personal interaction with a tree, somewhere and sometime in your life. With just one touch of a hand, one can grasp the immenseness and know there is a universal life force that exists within in it, just as within ourselves. 

When amidst a forest, people tend to find themselves in awe and experience a sense of serenity. Whether it be the size of a tremendous tree trunk, or the extending energy in branches, softness in the tender leaves visible to the eyes or underfoot, people can experience tranquility. A woodland can be a place to get lost or rediscover oneself. I’ve walked amongst giants and experienced a connection with spirit and sat cradled in the trunk of a tree and felt mothered. Trees can prove that the existence of life is more than we think or believe it to be.

People reference a tree and forests quite often as self reflections and life lessons. A forest can be likened to a family, branches to one’s growth and the trunk and roots to one’s identification of Self. Yogi Bears often practice Tree Pose (Vrikshasana) because it encourages concentration and focus of the mind to be “in the Now” and is believed to be indicative of one’s emotional and energetic disposition. The busier the mind and more emotionally unbalanced; the harder it is to sustain the pose. Trees have become quite the talk of the town! Ecologists like Suzanne Simard have been changing the way people think of trees by sharing her life story and scientific discoveries. Simard’s TedTalk: “How Trees Talk To Each Other” and her recent documentary “Intelligent Trees” has really enhanced society’s awareness that trees are much more than meets the eye; they are intelligent beings that flourish in community. Just like people.

We can a learn a great deal from a single tree. Not just in life, but also in death. When a tree dies, it can take on a new form of life. In Northern California in Eureka, an area established during logging days, many abandoned tree trunk bases today are generating new branches. Trees can take on new forms like when severed trunk becomes a bridge for people to cross or a pedestal to sit upon. A dead tree can also inspire new life; the forest or jungle will use the decomposing material to generate new life around it.

Trees hold life, wisdom and even magic. Ever just sat and gazed at one?

If you have ever looked upon a tree long enough then you have come to recognize that its visual beauty is not due to perfection or symmetry. No tree is perfectly symmetrical or without embellishments. This is what makes a tree unique and beautiful; its asymmetry and wounds. A tree will usually find a way to heal itself either by scarring over a wound or creating a “mound” to protect itself. Sort of like people. If you can consider a tree to be beautiful, in all its imperfections and recognize the wisdom it has because of the life it has lived, can you consider yourself beautiful - with all your imperfections and recognize the wisdom in your life experiences?

I encourage you to sit with one. Just sit and listen with your heart and your intuition. Take the time for yourself to be in nature and to perhaps feel one with nature. If your immediate response is a list of reasons why you do not have the time, then my friend, this is exactly why you need to go talk with a tree. Trust me. 

Free You To Be You

When my husband and I were in the tiny town of Ubud, Bali in Indonesia I was invited to join a Nada Yoga class, in which I had one of the most powerful self visualizations. Nada in Sanskrit means “sound” and the practice of Nada yoga is the exploration of consciousness through the vehicle of sound. Our class was co-ed and consisted of twenty people. We closed the session by sitting knee to knee, in a large circle, with our instructions to bellow into the center of our ring. We could sound out what ever we wanted: a song, mantra, word or even just a plain sound like ahhh. There were only two rules: you had to commit to your choice for the full ten minutes and let it be audible.

I consciously chose “ahhhh” because it is considered to be the sacred sound of creation. At first, I wondered if I could sustain my outcry, but as the minutes wore on and I howled “ahh!” beside my new kindred spirits, my volume intensified. I found the power, the fuel, deep within my gut. An energy was unharnessed and it flared right up and out of my mouth. My inner being had been awoken. While the sound of my voice boomed in my years and added to the cacophony, I had a vision. I saw myself standing before a large fire, naked. I unzipped my skin, carefully pulled it off limb by limb and uncased my inner being. Mindfully, I folded the skin suit into a neat pile, carried it over to the fire and tossed it in and surrendered years of identities.  

When the sound circle closed, I felt raw, not just in my throat, but emotionally. I felt powerfully freed. When I opened my eyes and looked about the room, it felt and looked like we all had just arrived back from some far off place.

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The skin suit cremated within my vision represented many roles I had worn. The choir singer, the dancer, the actress, the event coordinator - it all went into the fire. We adopt roles in order to adapt in life, ultimately with the hope of being accepted by our peers. Whether it be a job, relationship, hobby or even the way one socializes, we assort ourself into a role and create an “external wardrobe” in which we become identified by our cohorts. Sometimes, we try on roles like suits to see what fits us and if they are genuine expressions of ourselves. The ones that are sensible and safe, or highly rewarded, will likely be worn for a long time. 

Roles give us a sense of purpose. Due to their sentimental value, we tend to be store them like old suits tucked in the back of a closet. Like old clothes, they need to be removed - released - from time to time because we evolve. When we consciously recognize and release outdated identities of ourself, we free ourself to steep deeper into our current form of expression.

Identifying our archetypes, both past and present, can provide deeper insight into who we fully are. Most roles that we embody are an archetype. A monk, mother and model are all forms of archetypes, just as Disney or Marvel characters are. An archetype can be a statement, pattern of behavior, prototype, or a main model that other statements, patterns of behavior, and objects copy, emulate, or "merge" into. Just as helpful as it is to pull out that dusty jacket you no longer wear, it is invaluable to seek out archetypes you no longer are. And, let them go. 

When I identify an archetype that no longer servers me, I offer up gratitude for the “super suit” provided me along my journey, through the lesson(s) and ultimately the self-realization gifted to me and then let it go. This process is not done in haste, but with honor. In reflection, I found my archetypes shared a common thread: the value of connection and community. It affirmed that I thrive on connection and community and innately, cultivate them. 

Clinging to a past role/identity is usually out of fear. Fear, that if we let go, we will loose the power associated with that archetype. One of my recently released identities was that of The Runner. It held a sense of youth, companionship and connection to the outdoors. Once I realized it and understood the visceral layer it held for me, I let it go and I felt freer to embrace The Walker. When we identify the emotional value in the archetype, we can then see our personal power and how, through the identity, it was actually externalized; the belief the ability was outside of yourself. In truth, all those qualities were and are innate to You.

It is essential for everyone to recognize the death of an archetype and to release it as need be, as you move from one stage to another in your journey of life. As we move into a new calendar year, I encourage you to take stock of the various archetypes you have held onto; the ones that no longer serve you. Take time to recognize what each role says about you; no doubt there is a commonality among them that will highlight your innate abilities and qualities. Then, in your way, recognize and release the ones that no longer serve you. For the new year, release and surrender your outdated archetypes and unneeded layers to free You to Be You. Shed old skin so the “new you” can feel the sunlight and be free to live a new chapter.

“Identity cannot be found or fabricated

but emerges from within when

one has the courage to let go.

”

— Doug Cooper

Beautiful Scars

Our skin bares the truth of time. What ever comes to be on our skin can become symbolic, a moment or period of time in our life forever captured. I view my blemishes like bookmarks of when, where and why. I can take you on a tour of my imperfections and walk you through various chapters of my life. 

I have not always had this sense of appreciation for my “flaws.” As a child, I remember scouring my chicken pox scars and felt distain for their permanent defections. I do not know when or how my belief system came to be wherein I perceived scars as ugly, but it was imbedded early on. That sense of shame was carried for many years to come. When I was nine years old, I cut my shin on the corner of a rusted bumper while playing a game of tag on roller-skates. The laceration was deep and left a distinct, dark, jagged scar shaped like a dagger. The tip aimed down my shin. For years after, I was self conscious about it.

Fast forward to my late teens when body piercing and tattooing became more main stream. Body piercing is a form of modification by puncturing or cutting a part of the body, to create an opening in which jewelry can be worn or an implant inserted. The process of tattooing deposits ink into the skin with a tattoo needle. The needle punctures the skin - both the epidermis and dermis so the color application is permanent. The end result of the etching can be a remarkable and unique image. I viewed both (body piercing and tattoos) as tributes to one’s ancestral, primal self. The process(es) were rites of passage, that held honor and reverence. As soon as I turned eighteen, I got my belly button pierced. It was an act of defiance and rebellion: I declared this was body, my life and I will brandish it as I want to. I felt liberated and empowered; so I gave myself a second set of ear piercings. At nineteen, I got my first tattoo and my second at twenty one. 

One might venture to say that it was my teen spirit. Perhaps. Though, I did get my nose pierced five years ago on the day I auditioned to teach yoga at my first studio and “got the job.” Afterwards, I went directly to a professional piercing studio in town and got my right nostril adorned. It was a token of celebration. I was forty years old. 

Five years later, I now have a horizontal incision on my lower abdomen due to my recent hysterectomy. The left “end of the line” butts right into my first tattoo. (My doctor was so sweet and considerate: she really tried not to cut into my artwork.) My c-section scar is fresh, dark and incredibly tender to the touch. I already love it because it represents so much. Daily, I apply a shea butter balm infused with lavender and feel it sing with relief. I suppose over time, the color will lighten but I appreciate the scar, now as it is.

I have chosen to have my body “in-perfected” and as a result am better able to appreciate my physical self. To this day, I look upon my tattoos and piercing(s) with a sense of appreciation and love. Twenty seven years later, my belly button remains pierced. It’s been a part of me for so long that I feel bare with out it. All my piercings had to be removed prior to my surgery and every time I looked at my navel I felt so… naked. My tattoos have faded a bit, which is to be expected and though I could opt to have them recolored, I am perfectly ok with them as they are. 

This walk of life and how I view it is a learned perspective. My mother was enraged when I got my belly button pierced and tried to pre-shame me on tattoos by stating how slutty they were. Now looking back, I remember how my mother truly tried to erase her imperfections and prevent her body from changing. She seemed to hold her body in contempt. I understand how hard it would have been for my mother to challenge her shadow beliefs and turn the tide into practices of self love and appreciation. I made a conscious choice to find ways to love my body. Yoga has certainly helped. Perhaps the process of permanently scaring and puncturing my skin did too or….perhaps it was the process of the aftercare? To properly heal a body modification, one must be patient and nurturing. Maybe it was an homage to self love that I felt called to feel, to experience, to Be with. I cannot speak for others but I invite this; the next time you see someone with a piercing and or tattoo, whether it be one or many, try to see the expressions of their life journey. We all have a story to tell and whether by injury or intention, a scar can become a beautiful reminder. 

---

The belly balm was gifted to me by a thoughtful friend. Lavender essential oil has antibiotic, antioxidant, and antiseptic properties that can help promote cell and tissue growth. Studies have shown it promotes wound-healing. The balm was created by a local company in Santa Barbara: The Grapeseed Company.

A Daughter's Past Life Healing

Wrapped in the darkness of night, heavy droplets of rain showered the landscape. As I raised my arms overhead, I sensed the weight of my strong male form sink with every step into the muddy ground. Within each hand was a small sword and together they formed a cross to block the incoming weapon that was directed at my head. I could feel my body counter, as I pushed forward with all my strength. 

Suddenly, like a surround 3D animation moment, everything froze. I was able see everything about myself.  My build, height complexion, even the look of sheer determination upon my face, conviction in my eyes.

I was a male Asian warrior. My skin was olive with fine, shoulder length, black hair and dark eyes. Dressed in black, I could see that my hair was coming loose from its low-set ponytail. 

Then, all at the once, the movement quickly resumed. I could feel and see how I was able to swiftly maneuver with such dexterity and grace. I fought hard in that battle. My entire life had been in preparation for it. I know I died and with me a great generation of soldiers did too. It was considered a great honor to fight for our kingdom.

As though a movie projector turned off, I was instantly back in my yoga class still holding my asana, stunned and in tears.

WHAT IS A PAST LIFE?

A past life can be defined as a previously lived life in a different body according to theories of reincarnation. Reincarnation is the belief that a soul can be reborn into a new body. The major religions that hold a belief in reincarnation are Asian religions, especially Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, and Sikhism, all of which arose in India.

WHY DO WE REINCARNATE?

I believe we reincarnate to learn so we can grow and evolve our higher consciousness. We are spiritual beings first who become human in order to experience life. We choose to experience and explore the complexity of joy and sorry, love and anger, pleasure and pain. We return again and again to continue learning and evolving.

I believe we carry over a lesson and or intention into our following lives until a completion is reached. From what I have witness of my past lives and that of other people’s is that we endure so we expand; our sense of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Forgiveness for the self and others runs deep.

A PAST LIFE HEALING

A Past Life Reading can provide a larger perspective to one's life. No matter the depth of hurt, we can gain an understanding as to why it happened, why things exist now as they do and even how it is all for us rather than to or against us.

This is one of my recent healings from a past life reading regarding my father. 

The context of my hurt feelings - or so I thought - was due to a disagreement between my husband and I. When tears began to brew, I retreated to my healing space, went to my mat, and laid down. The sense of the floor can be reassuring and ground one’s sense of being. I let go. Breath by breath, I invited my awareness deeper inward to reflect, listen, to feel - to witness. I allowed the trembling to come forth and the tears to flow. As I cried, I heard Spirit say, “You think this is about Dan, but it doesn’t. This has everything to do with your dad.”

---

I had recently spoken to my father over the phone and it had felt like such a lonely conversation. I could hear my dad’s voice, but the person on the other end was not him. Ever since my dad got sick several years ago, he has not been the same guy. Due to an irregular heartbeat, he had a series of Transient ischemic attacks (TIA). TIA’s are mini-strokes that happen undetected and though they usually do not cause permanent brain damage, my dad had so many that the results of his MRI showed lots of little “dots” on his brain; specs of brain damage. I believe this compromised his cognition and caused my father’s personality to alter.

Now, my father tends to be hyper focused on what is happening in his world. If the current conversation is not of interest to him, he simply will not contribute or partake in it all. If you want to talk with him, you have to wade through topics until you reach one that he connects with. It’s a slow and steady process, like gently tapping a tennis ball over the net to see if it will return to you. If not, you serve another and wait and see. As most conversations revolve around my dad’s interests, there is little room for me to share what is going on in my life. Regardless, I do my best to be present, to have him feel heard, but it is energetically draining. It is a challenge to not take his lack of interest personally. One year he forgot my birthday all together and boy that stung.

When my parents separated, it was my dad who moved out. Even though he made a consistent effort to be a part of my life, I missed him. As I got older, he became more distant so I found ways to spend time with him. I joined the tennis team my freshman year in high school and asked my dad to coach me on the weekends. After I was in collage, the sense of separation happened again so I consciously cultivated a relationship by having dad-daughter dates once a month. It would vary from lunch or dinner, walks or watching his tennis matches, or joining him for salsa dancing. We even sang karaoke together. People always got a kick out of us. 

I am so grateful he was present, in mind and body the day he walked me down the aisle. There was something so significant in being able to place my arm through his and feel supported. Moments before the ceremony began, he gently tapped my hand and asked, “Are you ok, hija, you ready?” I nodded and said, “Yup, ready!” We both nodded to one another and waited for our musical cue.

For the reception, I had let him chose the song for our father-daughter dance. He picked “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder and then he had me chose between either the fox trot or Paso Doble’, a Spanish dance. I knew neither so I opted for the one with the simplest count; the fox trot. I trusted my dad’s ability to lead me, so when the time came I smiled, held my frame sturdy and followed his lead. I must have tripped over my own feet a dozen times, but I keep my eyes locked with my dad’s eyes and just kept going.

Dan and I were married in June 2013 and it was that August, when my dad got sick and things between us changed forever, though it took time for me to see and understand it. The guy who taught me how to play tennis and salsa dance, who encouraged me to listen more and lessen my quick-snap comments, who whisked me around during our father-daughter dance — was gone. 

---

As I laid upon the ground, crying, Spirit began to show me all the past life times my dad and I - our spirits - had shared. There were several where we were comrades and had wreaked a lot of destruction and devastation upon other people. We had been savages, bandits, warriors - many life times where all we knew was war, battle, killing, defending and taking. I did not see much happiness in those life times or many of the ones that followed. 

Spirit then showed me when my father and I convened to connect in this life time. I was shown the moment when I asked my dad’s spirit to be my father. He hesitated, reluctant because he did not know if he could be a good father. Looking at all the constellation points of my life plan, he could see and knew that he was going hurt me emotionally. During this spiritual meeting, I showed him why it was of value that he accept this role; that I was essentially agreeing to the hurt he would cause me because of what I wanted to learn.

He eventually accepted. 

Then, Spirit showed me all the various ways my dad had been present as my father. I cried intensely because of the love I witnessed - at how my father truly did the best he could with what he knew how to do. I was so grateful to revisit those memories. I then was taken through the entire span of our time together in this life and Spirit said, “So you see, he agreed to be your father and he did indeed show up. He has been present. He has fulfilled his part of the agreement. Can it be enough that he showed up and was your father?”

I suddenly understood. It was enough.

Spirit then showed me my collection of expectations I carried for my dad. It was as though each time I interacted with my dad, I piled one suitcase upon another at his feet, each a need to be met, each with its own weight of entitlement. My dad had no knowledge of those needs. I then understood how I had cast this baggage of expectations - which contained much of my sense of self worth - upon my father. My father’s actions, or lack of, resulted in me feeling unloved, because I had chosen to place such a high value on him.

I had been striving for my father’s affection and approval for so long that I had forgotten there could be space or possibility for anything else. I was stuck in a hamster wheel, wondering why things were not different, or better, or more. Spirit invited me to forgive myself for wanting what I thought I needed. So, I did and began to see and understand how I had been appealing to an old system of thoughts. Those residuals programs no longer served me or the existing relationship with my father. As the guilt and shame washed away I felt a great sense of love, compassion and peace. Not just for myself, but also for my father. I understood that his path of life lessons was very different from mine and that it was enough he showed up in this life time, as I had asked, to be my dad. My sense of self worth was not my father’s responsibility; it was mine. 

It had all been enough. 

I was enough.

---

When we feel something it is important to look at what is surfacing. This is a time to tend to ourselves, to reflect, to understand - to own our experience. It is essential to feel what we do so as to understand. This is how we grow, evolve and learn to Love. There is always something to learn. Spirit speaks a lot to forgiveness for thyself first and foremost. Then, forgiveness can extend to the person who hurt you. This year my dad remembered my birthday two days later and that was ok. After all, he did remember. He is enough, just as he is, and so am I.

I truly don’t know if I would have been able to see and understand the purpose of the connection between my father and I, without the Past Life Reading. It is possible I would have gotten there eventually with a mindful, self healing practice, but it would have been very gradual. That’s what makes a past life reading so precious; it offers an overview of what is and why. Spirit is never critical or condescending; always compassionate, loving and insightful. 

Spirit is always calling for us to love and free ourselves so as to bestow more love and compassion to others. In order to help heal the world, it is essential to heal ourselves first. If that journey feels damn near impossible, know that you do not have to go it alone. There are people, like me, who are ready to meet you where are on your path. Know your path may be super unconventional. I always say, “If it seems nonsensical but feels the best to you, then it’s your path.” Healing does not have to look or be one way: it is as unique as you are in the world.

Saying Goodbye

ONCE UPON A TIME….

Decades ago, I was trapped in the web of a dysfunctional relationship with my ex-partner. I was ensconced in the cacophony of winning people’s approval so I fed the appearance of “all was well.” Staying in that relationship was my secret shame. I stayed because of self doubt and fear. I thought I was incapable of leaving and was scared of what people would think. There was shaming upon shaming: no one will understand, others have it worse than I do, I should have known better, I should do better…The daily narrative created a sense of feeling alone and isolated. 

After seven years, I finally did leave him. I had to. I had minimized myself to such a degree, there was nothing left to compress. I had get out or I would extinguish the last light left in me. Even today looking back at this chapter of my life, I feel a sense of shame. Brene’ Brown calls it meta-shame: shame upon shame, shame for feeling ashamed. It’s a tightly woven web that can strangle one’s mind and soul.

Soon after that chapter did close, began the story of my uterine fibroids. Parasitic in nature, the tale of my fibroids would become larger in size and significance. I’ve shared about this in previous blogs “Ohhh U-terus!” And “Fred, Ethel & My Womb.”

Fast forward to February 2021: In meditation, during yet another heavy moon cycle, I took an honest look at the dark undercurrent of all my efforts to heal myself from my fibroids: the fear of surgery. Despite the deep spiritual, mental and emotional healing I had experienced, the fibroids still proliferated. In that moment, connected with my body, I saw surgery as a bridge to freedom. 

Freedom from intense, heavy periods that had become long in duration. On average, I would bleed between eight to ten days. That is roughly a third of the year. I would seclude myself during heavy-flow days, with a towel between me and my seat at all times, in case I had a bleed-through. Like a little kid shuffling about the house, with her security blanket, I had to have a buffer with me at all times. A break through could happen in an instant. The increase of intensity and duration of my periods was so gradual, that my adaptations seemed minor, but as time went on everything took its toll. My stamina and strength had to be resurrected after each cycle. 

I’D LIKE A HYSTERECTOMY, PLEASE

I announced my decision to my doctor during my annual wellness exam in May 2021. She agreed it was a great decision. That exam and pelvic ultra sound confirmed my uterus was so enlarged, due to the fibroid clusters, it was equivalent of being five months pregnant. She asked me how soon I wanted to schedule the surgery.

I scheduled it for June 22, 2021. I had what is called a hysterectomy with bilateral salpingectomy: removal of the uterus, fallopian tubes and cervix and retained both my ovaries. Sort of sounds like something from a Dr. Seuss book.

MY BODY’S WISDOM

When I told my body about the upcoming surgery, it said, “Thank goodness! We’ve tried to be hospitable to the fibroids, but we are so tired of these motherfu*kers! It’s time for them to go.” My body then showed me all the ways it had been affected by the fibroids. My digestive, endocrine and immune systems had all been strained. The fibroids received their own blood supply and the sheer size of them pushed my intestines out of the way. If I did not have the surgery, the fibroids would eventually tax my kidneys.

My body then showed me how, over time, the further I deepened my healing, the more enriching the environment of my body became. I was not doing anything wrong, I was in fact doing everything right. The fibroids just happened to benefit.

In every communication I have had with my body, there has been a deep sense of love and appreciation exchanged. Never has my body scorned me or scream out in rage. The body is such a loyal companion. It will do everything it can to support us until it can’t fight the fight any longer. Symptoms are signals, just like our emotions are our signposts. 

GETTING TO THE ROOT CAUSE

All along, I had wondered “What had I done wrong to cause the fibroids?”

The answer: I tried to survive.

My body said the secretion of stress hormones began during the past relationship. Eventually, it created a microscopic mass that adhered to the posterior wall of my womb. The uterus, in its monthly swell of reproductive fluids and nutrients, provided the perfect space and sustenance. How smart was that initial cluster of fibroids that it used my uterus to sustain itself and hide behind? Truly parasitic. After the past relationship dissolved, there were continual upheavals in life to navigate: the continuing contentious relationship with my mother, my mother’s depression, my own depression, financial struggles, my mother’s lung cancer and her quickened death, my father falling ill….a lot happened. When I look back, I realize I had been in a state of survival for nearly a dozen years. 

Many professionals consider feeling alone and isolated to be a major trauma in itself. Feeling alone is up there with being threatened by death and feeling helpless. When a person experiences trauma - no matter what type - the body responds by secreting stress hormones. These are often blamed for subsequent illness and disease. Feeling alone and feeling like life threw my snow globe upside down…created dis-ease. And shame was the glue that held it all together.

CREATING HEALING SPACE

In the weeks leading up to the surgery, I approached life as though I was entering a healing retreat. It was essential to create a sense of space and time to rest and restore. It was more than a physical healing, it was also spiritual and emotional. So, I dove in and deepened my meditations and personal healing sessions, which manifested divine and destined experiences. The emotional depth of healing has been powerful. Some days I felt raw and tender, others lighter and liberated, and some days balanced and…ready.

I made sure my offerings were tended to so the only responsibility I would have as I recovered was Me. I let close friends and family know about the upcoming procedure and set clear boundaries on what I needed and did not need. I made a conscious effort to let my incredibly supportive husband know what I would need. Otherwise, that would have been unkind to him and of disservice to myself; no guessing games or riddles to figure out.

As an energy healer, I strongly believe in the power of receiving healing energy before any medical procedure. It prepares the various layers (physical, emotional, mental, energetic and spiritual) and enables the body to heal quicker. So, I scheduled and received three reiki sessions before the surgery. Those experiences in themselves were beautiful and profound.

A key element was a guided meditation provided by one of my mentors. I was able to envision everything on the day of surgery, from the moment I entered the hospital, to when I got to my hospital room, and every person that tended to me. I saw a golden light surround me and the mastery and wisdom of my doctor and medical staff. This vision created a great sense of peace that I carried with me throughout the entire experience.

SPIRITUAL SURPRISES

SO much about this experience has been magical. From the reiki sessions, meditations, to the medical masters, to an amazing piece of art my dear friend made me - SO much was serendipitous. I may write a memoire about it because there is so much to share!

I will share one surprising element that has helped me heal. My sister sent me a pink, stuffed, fuzzy - get ready - uterus, complete with fallopian tubes and ovaries. The manufacture calls it Ivy. The body (the womb) of Ivy is almost shaped like a heart and has a cute face. When I first pulled Ivy out of the box I couldn’t decide if she was horrific or terrific. I laughed and cried. Then, laughed and cried some more. (Which was tricky because my abdomen was so tender.)

Our dog Oreo helped me decided Ivy was terrific. Perhaps because it was a “new toy” or maybe, just maybe, she sensed its significance, Oreo would use Ivy as a small pillow to rest her large head. One day, Oreo nestled in for her afternoon nap, picked up Ivy, and put it between her head and inside of my knee. Her movement was so kind and gentle and the action so surprising and adorable, I cried. 

ALLOWING THE GRIEF TO FLOW

Grief is an important, essential human emotion and process. Grieving enables us to have reverence, compassion and honor. In reverence we can reflect, learn, evolve. Humans are fundamentally emotional beings. This is why ancient practices of Eastern medicine diagnosed through emotions. We need to feel in order to fully Be. While modern medicine’s procedures and surgeries are marvelous, they cannot miraculously heal one’s feelings. We, the individual, have to mindfully curate that process for ourself, otherwise society can easily sweep one’s emotions under the rug. Procedure complete, stitches out, you’re done. Not so. The emotional healing will still need to take place.

Years before, my therapist said, “My dear, not being able to bare a baby is indeed something you deserve to mourn. For you, it is a loss and the loss is just as severe as your mother dying. You need to grieve this part of and for yourself.” I remember that moment so clearly because as she said it, time stopped. As I looked into her eyes, heard her words, I began to understand the importance of grief and how essential it was to grieve in order to heal.

Grief is cyclical and can come up in all sorts of ways. Oreo’s using Ivy as a pillow surfaced my grief. Me watching a movie where a toddler called her adoptive mother “Mama” brought up grief. After I finished watching that movie, I went for a walk and was the crazy crying lady and I was ok with that because I was allowing myself to process my grief.

We need to be open to receiving and experiencing it. Otherwise, it’s like denying an inherent part of yourself comfort and compassion. Would you turn away a small child who is seeking to be held? Why do that to yourself as an adult? Be kind, be patient, be present.

MY DESTINED PATH

I really understand how imperative it is for grief to have its space. Whether one has undergone a full or partial hysterectomy, a miscarriage, a mastectomy, there is a sense of loss…a deep and genuine reason to mourn, to grieve. Sometimes, the very thing that could be healing is having the time and space to acknowledge and be with it.

As I write this, I celebrate the two month anniversary of my surgery - to the date. While I am physically healing beautifully, I am aware that the emotional healing will always need its space and time. I know I need to be and stay mindful of when that is. 

Despite each bout of grief, I know this experience has not happened to me - it has happened for me. I know what it is like to give up a physical part of yourself. I know how much of a loss that can feel like. But, I am still whole and feel more so now than ever before because I have been present with my grief. There is nothing to be fixed, because I am not broken or flawed. Grief is not weakness or failure, it is instead grandeur; an opportunity to be exalted in some way if you allow yourself to pass through it, to the other side, into the light.

Because I know, because I understand how important is to honor the space and time needed to process our emotions, I will hold that space for you if you need it, with every part of my heart.

TALK THE WALK

One of the ways women heal is through words: written or spoken. It is so important for any one who has experienced a sense of loss to connect with people who will understand. Talk about it. I was very fortunate to connect to two women, who happened to be my age and both had a hysterectomy because of uterine fibroids. There was something so reassuring about hearing and knowing I wasn’t alone, something so beautiful and profound in hearing about their healing journey. We even were able to laugh about “the damn towel.” The “Me too” that can be shared, no matter what the story is, is invaluable. In particular, women need to gather together, because together we are stronger and unstoppable. 

KNOW THIS

No matter what your story is, know you are not alone. Do not let shame be a shield. Be kind to yourself and reach out for support. Know that you are not broken nor are you flawed, even if you feel like it. You deserve the space to be and breathe as your heart and soul needs you to. Know that even if you cannot heal the issue - you can heal through it.